Beginning



In junior high and high school, I wrote in a journal. The happy times, the sad times, especially the sad times - it all went into my spiral bound notebooks. Writing has always been a way for me to cope with pain. It's my therapy. College came, and two jobs plus full class loads every semester meant no more journals. After college, I started blogging online to cope with my new role as a stepmother. And through that, I met some amazing women. Women that I consider to be forever friends. Ten years later, we still are there for each other. I have these friendships with women I have never met, but I consider to be among my greatest blessings.

When I had Raegan that blog ended, and I started one as a way to chronicle her milestones. It was mostly for my mama, but it also served as a digital baby book of sorts. Occasionally I shared my thoughts on parenting topics, but journaling for me took a back seat to my role as a mother. When Ava came along, I mostly abandoned the blog in favor of Facebook. Facebook became my digital baby book for Ava, which is why I can never delete it permanently.

So here I am, back to BlogSpot again. I have a paper journal that I have been writing in for the last two months as everything has fallen apart, but typing is so much quicker and easier.

Things are rough right now. This may not always be eloquent. I know my cries to God are jumbled and messy, but He hears them and holds me through my pain. I just want all of this out, in writing. I want to learn from all the crap. I want to grow in my relationship with Christ. I want to look back on this all someday and see the lessons I've learned, see how I've come out of the fire stronger. So here I am, splitting myself open.