Body positivity

Having a positive body image is something that I have struggled with since age eleven. Eleven years old. As the mother of two young girls, that horrifies me. I don't want that for my daughters. I want them to love their bodies, to see their bodies as strong and capable and beautiful. Something that has taken me 33 years to do. Hopefully I will do things "right" and they will find body positivity a lot sooner than I did.

Right before I got pregnant with Ava, I lost a lot of weight. I weighed a little less than I did on my wedding day. I look back on pictures from that summer and think how thin I looked. And I distinctly remember back during those days thinking I had 5-10 lbs more to lose. Well, instead I got pregnant, gained 35 pounds, and lost 12 of it once I had Ava. In fact, this last winter I went on to gain 18 more pounds. At the beginning of 2016, I decided I needed to make some changes. I've lost 8 of those 10 lbs, and I started lifting. So yes, I am overweight. Yes, there are lumps and bumps and ripples where there weren't in the past, but I can also see muscles starting to show up under that fat. And honestly, I'm too busy raising my girls to care very much. I've got a haircut I love, and I think I've gotten pretty skilled with makeup. More days than not, I think I look quite alright.

Today when I put on my swimsuit, Raegan came in the room and told me how pretty it was. Then she asked me why there was those fat parts, and pointed to my love handles. Once upon a time, that would have gutted me. I would have gotten upset. I would have told her that it's not okay to call people fat. But today, it didn't bother me. It truly did not bother me. I asked her what was wrong with having fat parts. I told her that's how God made my body and that I had two babies and that stretches your stomach out.

My hope is that the girls will learn that all body types are okay. That life should be enjoyed no matter what you look like or how you are shaped. Today at the pool I spared not a single thought to any fat parts that I have.  I was too busy enjoying a fun time with my daughters and making sure I didn't lose them. Keeping an eye on my toddler that is prone to running away was a lot higher on my list than keeping my stomach sucked in. I would have never thought I would get to this point. Eleven year old me would have been horrified. But oh, is life so much sweeter without that constant voice in my head.

So all my lumps and fat parts will be at the pool, along with the muscles that I'm starting to build. Maybe I'll lose the ten pounds I want to. Maybe I won't. But my worth as a mom and a person does not depend on those ten pounds. It took me 33 years to get to that point, but at least I made it. Time to enjoy it.