A Prayer for My Oldest

Today while I was doing Raegan's hair, she looked at herself in the mirror and said, "I like the way this feels right now. I have lots of friends at school, and I like this (waves hand in the air)." A six year old's way of saying that she is happy with life. It made me smile. How it made my heart swell for you, Raegan.

Oh my sweet girl. How I would love to pray that you will always feel this way, but I know that would be a foolish and pointless prayer. Because life can be grand, and you can like the way it feels. But it can also be messy and unpredictable and just plain awful. So here is my prayer for you:

I pray that you will find happiness in life. This has always been my greatest prayer for you. But a part of that prayer is that you won't let other people dictate your happiness. I am glad you are building friendships, and I hope that you find true, lasting friendships - the give and take kind of friendships that can withstand the storms of life. But most of all, I hope that you grow into a strong, confident woman that doesn't need friends to define her. That you can rise above the insecurities that have always plagued me, and realize that you are enough. With or without friends. With or without a man. That who you are is amazing, and brilliant and so very, very enough.

I pray that no matter what life throws at you, you will find the silver lining and hold on to hope. That no matter how dark everything seems, no matter how hard it feels, you will keep your chin up. I pray that you will always see God's hand in your life, no matter how messy and messed up everything feels. I pray that you will have the courage to close doors that need to be closed, and open doors that you really should walk through. When you were jumping around on rocks at Rock City last Sunday, you told me you were brave, and you thought you would always be brave. I pray that you are right, my girl. I pray that you will be brave and take a leap of faith, no matter what life throws at you.

Life won't always feel like this, and that's okay. You just have to find a way to see the good in all of the messes and mistakes and heartache. Hold onto hope, Raegan. Hold onto that braveness and confidence that you have now. You are going to be something amazing.